Hola, amigos! This is one of the posts that I would like to keep it short and sweet because it's more important to be concise than emotive. Through this post, I hope more people will try to figure out the true essence of love in their own experience. Whether you are falling in love, dating, married or going through a hard time, I hope these personal insights will help offer some light and comfort. <3
Before you think you love someone:
#1. Find out and accept the other’s flaws wholeheartedly first
It is easy to love their strengths, physical appearance, charisma, moral values, or vibes. Unfortunately, all these will not matter when you have a conflict or disagreement. Also, note that what appears as a "flaw" to you might just be your own expectation and it's not right to make people change according to your standards. A flaw is different from a short-coming or a bad habit. Unless you're ready to accept one's flaws with love and compassion, work on yours first.
Bottom line: If you can't accept it, leave it.
#2. Listen and understand their lives, habits, personality, and beliefs before having your own projection and assumptions
We've gotta face it, we all judge faster than we think and feel with our heart. More than often, we unconsciously fog up our perception of others based on who we are, what we've done, and what we've experienced. My Reiki teacher repeated this like a mantra to me whenever I sought his advice, "Whatever you perceive is your own projection". In the beginning, I didn't understand him but after developing close relationships with people I didn't expect to connect with, it became crystal clear to me. My first impressions and assumptions of them were far from who they were when we became closer. We all have very different life experiences so don't make an assumption of one's character based on your own unconscious narratives.
Bottom line: So, be fair and always leave room for doubts. We are all different in every way despite growing up in the same country, culture, school, or even family.
#3. Do not be overly concerned with their past
Even for me, I'm always a curious cat as to knowing one's past even if I'm not dating. Thankfully, I've learned that how many people one has been with, slept with should not affect the way you see our loved one as a person. Sure, these things could serve as an indicator to predict what kind of lover/partner/person one would be to you. However, you need to understand that everything takes two hands to clap and you are the co-author of your love story. You have the power to create the storyline or end it when it goes against your well-being. It's more important to observe how one treats you right here, right now than to poke your nose too much in their old businesses.
Bottom line: Dwelling in someone’s past or mistakes will never do you any good. Exercise your own judgment by feeling with your gut instinct.
When you are in love:
#4. Let things flow and go when need be
Allow the person you love to be happy by giving them their space, time, and freedom to find joy in whatever they are doing. As a partner, keep in mind to love without expectations and understand that we do not own people or their souls. We’re in each other’s lives to complement and not to possess. We should be nurturing and helping our partner to grow instead of confining them to the shared space for our own needs. Love is never restrictive or possessive, love is when prioritizing your partner's growth and happiness instead of holding them back. The ones who know love would understand this saying, "If you truly love a person, let them go".
Bottom line: Love does not damage, possession does. When a person with love sees a beautiful flower, he does not bring it home for his own pleasure. He protects and waters it so that it can blossom instead of wilting in an expensive vase. A person with love will not cage a bird for its beauty and singing as he knows deprivation of freedom is the greatest torture, not an act of love and admiration.
#5. Love without expectations, intense desire and possessiveness
Everyone has their own lives, destiny, and spiritual journey. All of us came into this world alone and will decease alone too. Therefore, we only belong to ourselves deeply and the purpose of this life is to live it to the fullest whether we have a partner or not. It is a blessing if we find someone to love and have it reciprocated. If not, the person who needs to be loved is yourself. Don't over-romanticize the ideas of soulmates and twin flames. Don’t expect another person to always make you happy or complete your life. Don't rely on anyone or place all your happiness in someone else's hands.
True and everlasting happiness can only be found within you. If you love someone, care about giving more than receiving. There should be no ego, no competition, no comparison with past lovers, or calculating about who's giving more or less. That said, understand the difference between setting healthy boundaries and being calculative. You need to be capable of self-love before you can truly love someone else. The way you treat yourself sets a tone to others about how you should be treated.
Bottom line: Respect each other’s space and individuality. Learn to thrive in your own world. If you want happiness, positive changes, and a better life – you have to work on yourself. Don't look for the right person, be the right person.
#6. Be present, enjoy the moment of connection and make every encounter memorable
When it comes to spending time together, strive for quality over quantity. We are all busy people in this hectic society. The most basic and simple respect you can give you someone else is by giving 100% of your attention when they are spending time with you and make every moment count. Besides that, learn to listen with your heart instead of listening to reply.
Every good communication starts with attentive listening.
Bottom line: Would you prefer spending an 1-hour coffee break with someone with a quality interaction or 3-hour brunch with someone who is constantly checking out their phone?
#7. Sometimes, we can be too much without knowing
With modern technology, we’ve become that expectant and impatient that we over-correlate a person’s response time with their sincerity or interest. Again, remember that everyone has their own lives, responsibilities, thoughts, and mind to take care of.
Personally, I don't think it is easy for people to talk to each other constantly on a daily basis. I feel that trying to do so would eventually become a waste of time and effort. Mainly because it would become mindless banters, frivolous topics instead of meaningful conversations. Depending on the lifestyle, both of you might eventually misunderstand the situation by thinking the spark has died, conversations have become stale and there's nothing to talk about anymore.
Bottom line: Be mindful of the amount of attention you are demanding. Chances are, the more you demand, the more reluctant the other person would want to provide it. I feel that the need for attention is alike to drug addiction. The more attention you enjoy, the more you want it and depend on it. Gradually, this will suffocate everyone. Therefore, it is vital for us to understand the importance of being patient and giving each other the required space to grow.
That's all for now! May everyone find love within themselves and let it radiate!